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“To the fellas

Who am I to YOU? What am I to YOU? Don’t worry, I already know… See, I don’t care what YOU think or what YOU say behind my back, I only care for one thing… How YOU feel. I put others before myself. So, I give my body to YOU, to make YOU feel good. Although I may not want it, I’d rather give it to YOU than have YOU take it from me. Not saying that any of YOU would, or that some of YOU haven’t, but I’d prefer to hate myself than to hate YOU. I’d prefer to hurt myself than to hurt YOU.

I don’t blame any of YOU for who or what I am today. I blame myself. But, what can I say? I continue to hurt my body with sex to punish myself for the past. It doesn’t stop. YOU’re happy and I hurt. I know GOD is not happy with me, so, because I’m not into the thought of suicide, I’ll let HIM determine when it’s my turn to go. In the meantime, I’ll keep giving myself to YOU to make YOU happy.

I love to see YOU smile. it is a lot better to see YOU smile because YOU feel good, than to see YOU frown with anger and discontent because I won’t give it to YOU. I don’t want YOU to take it out on me, YOU are right when YOU say, “Everyone has already had it, why can’t I?”.. My body is no longer sacred; I’ve destroyed my temple long ago. I’m not blaming YOU for anything, I won’t.

For some of YOU, I won’t even call it “rape”, just to make YOU happy. I just learned to accept and like it. It’s all I know and I accept that. I obviously can’t find love because of it, so I have just come to live with it. I don’t know exactly what “love” is, but I have to say, I’ve come to “love” what I do. Call it what YOU may, but as far as I’m concerned, “love” is doing something to make someone happy.

If giving myself to YOU means making YOU happy, then I’ll love what I do. YOUR happiness is my happiness. For those of YOU who didn’t even try to get to know me, just hung around to use me… YOU missed out on a great friend and a wonderful relationship with someone who truly cares about the soul! Had YOU gotten to know me, YOU’d see that for YOURself… See, I didn’t pull away because I am unselfish…Why didn’t YOU?

This is a little piece of my life that I would like to share with all of Prairie View… This is to hopefully help those of you who will go through this and those of you who already have… I hope this piece will make those brothers believe that their actions do reflect who they are and that what is always forgiven is not always forgotten… Please, to the freshmen females and new students, don’t be the next victim! Stand up and be heard!

Just a Thought
With “Love”

Brokenhearted Senior