Walking across campus to the MSC, a couple holds hands while trying to go to lunch. As the couple enters the automatic sliding doors, a pretty sorority girl walks alongside them and the boyfriend turns to look at her. The girlfriend wastes no time, as she tries to put her man in check for disrespecting her in her face. The boyfriend tries to reconcile and say that he thought he knew the sorority girl, but it wasn’t the person he thought it was, but his girlfriend does not believe a word he says and storms out the MSC without him. A few hours pass by and the boyfriend calls his girlfriend to see if she has calmed down after the big uproar. When she answers she tries to listen, but shortly thereafter, she hangs the phone up in his face and tells him not to call her anymore. Take note: She does not say that she wants to break up, but just tells him not to call her anymore.
Many would call this hypothetical situation as the girlfriend holding a “grudge.” The Microsoft Encarta Dictionary defines a grudge as a “feeling of resentment or to give something reluctantly.” To many who are in relationships, this is basically a case of a fight over something stupid and not acting like adults to get over the situation.
On the other hand, it can also be considered a case of a girl being jealous (which can also happen the other way around), or unveiling a sense of insecurity. Grudges are not only affiliated with relationships, but with friendships as well. No matter what the situation is, what is the true meaning of a grudge?
“Holding onto grudges in a relationship brings nothing but conflicts and problems,” said Lunita “Dee” Anderson, a 22-year-old senior communication major. “Being mad at somebody for a long time over the same thing is just an easy way to end the relationship. It’s unhealthy to hold in a lot of unnecessary frustration. All grudges are not easy to just let go of depending on the situation. Grudges can kill a relationship. Even though the relationship is gone the grudge can still last.”
Anderson is correct in what she says about holding grudges and killing relationships, but what happens when there is infidelity going on in the relationship? For example, a guy cheats on a girl (or the other way around) and she decides to take him back. In this case, is it holding a grudge when she continues to throw the situation back in his face?
“If my boyfriend cheats on me and I decide to stay in the relationship, then I choose to let it go and hold no grudges. But if his cheating causes the relationship to end,then I have no reason to hold a grudge,” said Akua Zellner, a senior criminal justice major. Junior communications major. Willy Watkins says grudges are simply a waste of time, “Grudges are just a way for the person who has a grudge to try and gain attention, but when it come to friendships it’s not worth losing a friend.” Friends also play a major role when it comes to holding grudges.
When grudges are held within a friendship, there usually has been some type of sexual act with someone’s significant other. Depending on how the situation is handled will determine if there will or wont be a grudge. “If my homeboy sleeps with one of my girls I want hold no grudge as long as he’s man enough to come at me grown about the situation. What’s done is what’s done,” says Rashid Tillis, a 22 year old senior majoring in criminal justice. Friends also play a role by voicing their opinion when they may not even know the whole story.
If you forgive a person, you should be able to move on and not look back. If you choose to end the relationship, you should end all tides with it especially the grudges.