What races through the mind of black women when they see a good looking brother with his head on straight, his money right, and his personal hygiene on point… walking with a white woman under his arm? Many black women would become infuriated without even asking whether they were high school sweethearts or if they are soul mates. It is assumed that she stole away another good black man from the rapidly diminishing pool of good black men.
Familiar lines would be heard as they passed the couple, such as “there aren’t many good black men around” and “what can she do that I can’t!” These are all fair statements and black men have been under the judgmental eye of society as a whole, black women in particular, for as long as they have been dating women of different races and ethnicities.
With the growing social acceptance of blacks into American society after many years of struggling for equality came the public acceptance of a black man being able to even be seen with a white woman. From the great possibility of death for it even being rumored that a black man looked sideways at a white woman, to the common sight of biracial children, black men have come a very long way.
But left behind in many cases have been good black women who feel betrayed and even neglected as they are passed over for women of other ethnicities, especially white women. They are left dealing with a slim line of common men who cannot take them any higher than where they are in any facet, so they grow older and in some cases more bitter.
However, it is assumed by too many women that because they are looking for their ideal black man, they too are the ideal black woman and every man who turns them down has problems.
In the shadows of this issue are the black men who are neglected often by the very good black women that they are looking for as they are turned down time after time. Out of the many failed attempts with black women they leave to find plenty of willing women of other races who see them for the “good” men that they are.
They aren’t stolen away by other women but are almost handed to them in a sense by black women without them even noticing it until they are single and the men are in interracial relationships.
Growing up in a society free from most open racism we haven’t been subject to pressure from the African-American community to date and marry only within the race. So we may not think twice in our dating lives.
But the undertones of dating outside the race can still be felt by anyone who sees black men and women with partners of other races.
So the question comes down to why do black women especially so often get angry when they see black men outside the racial lines? Although it’s true that the “good black man” who is trying to have a successful career, marriage, and family are few in number among the growing number of men who don’t have those goals, are the good men bound to uphold some kind of old standard and date only black women?
Many black women pass up good black men while they are young because they are looking for present thrills with men they know aren’t worthy of long-term relationships. Black men also pass up good black women so they, too, can have as much fun as possible while young before even thinking of settling down at an older age.
There seems to be a lot of animosity between sexes in the black community, which desperately needs to be discussed if a significant majority feels this way. There are definitely more questions on this subject than answers. But to stay within the racial lines or to erase them in the pursuit of love seen without the filter of race is for each of us personally to decide.