It is a fact that our expectations predict our behavior. For example, if you don’t believe that you can learn the Chinese language, you are less likely to try. And even if you do try, you probably won’t make a full effort because it would be a waste of time: Why bother? Many people are embarrassed by a lack of confidence in their ability to do something, so they develop “defense mechanisms” to defend our egos against the stigma of being less-than. An example of a defense mechanism is when a person says, “I don’t want to learn Chinese,” when what they really mean is that they don’t believe they can. The tricky part is that the person may actually be unaware of their lack of confidence in their ability to learn Chinese: they may lack self-awareness.
Self confidence is increased and decreased by previous life experiences. For example, a young person who grows up competing with weaker, less agile playmates will likely grow up believing that they are athletically talented and will be enthusiastic about participating in physical activities. Our expectations of our ability to succeed are built up over time and represent the sum total of our previous experiences. People with low expectations have similarly ‘learned’ that they are not capable of succeeding.
Just as we learned things in the past we can learn things in the future. If a person has low expectations they can elevate their expectations for the future by doing the following three things: 1) increasing self-awareness of areas where they have low expectations, 2) building self-confidence through mastery experiences, and 3) associating with supportive people and people who aspire to similar goals.
Increasing self-awareness can be done by honestly considering why we avoid or dislike certain activities. Often it helps to discuss this with someone like a counselor or a good friend. Mastery experiences are a sequence of experiences that are designed to increase confidence. The method involves accomplishing small realistic and achievable goals. Each time a goal is achieved we set a new goal that is just a bit more challenging. In this way, confidence is developed gradually over time. Finally, the right associates encourage us through their words and actions. When we see our associates doing that which we aspire to do, we learn how to do it and we see that it can be done.
You can maximize your potential and your happiness by managing your expectations of success.