It seems like only yesterday he fell in love with you, he wants to see you all the time, and keep tabs on you. While this is all overwhelming and slightly flattering in the beginning, you start to realize he has a couple of questionable qualities. Like his thoughts on why a woman should be at home and the man should take control of the household. He starts to over react to little things and doesn’t take your opinion seriously. If your boyfriend exhibits at least two of those characteristics, he could potentially be an abuser.According to Law.Com domestic violence is “the continuing crime and problem of the physical beating of a wife, girlfriend or children, usually by the woman’s male partner (although it can also be female violence against a male).” Statistics have shown that one-third of young adults become involved in an abusive relationship during their high school or college years. This was the case for a 21-year-old junior (name withheld) she said, “When I got to college my boyfriend of four years became very jealous, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight, and then that’s when the hitting started.”
Unfortunately, many women who are abused seem to think that abuse is a form of love. They blame themselves for the abuse, make excuses for the one who abuses them, and have statistically been shown to remain in detrimental relationships for a long period of time. The unnamed student added, “At first I did think it was my fault because he would always say that his major was very demanding and that he wasn’t going to let me get in the way of his dream.”
In many cases low self-esteem, fear of what can happen if he leaves, and the fact that a woman can become co-dependant on her abusive partner are some of the primary reasons that women don’t get out of these relationships.
There are other forms of abuse along with physical assault. Abuse can be emotional/verbal, where you have a mate who is telling you things like, “you are worthless, you are never going to be more than you are.” Sexual abuse on the other hand involves your partner manipulating you into having sex, or requesting sex after he has hit you.
Contrary to popular belief, there are men who are also abused. A male student (name withheld) said, “My ex had a really bad temper and as the weeks went by it escalated to her slapping and trying to scratch me. I never hit her back because I was taught not to hit women.” While this may seem surprising, the issue of men being abused is not as explored or reported as women being abused by men.
It’s often been said that love hurts, however abuse is not love. If you or someone you know is being abused, get help as soon as possible. No one deserves abuse whether it is physical, emotional, sexual or any other way. It has now been recognized as an antisocial mental illness, which should require the abuser and the victim to seek professional help.