“Jealousy is not a form of love; healthy love is not supposed to hurt,” Carolyn Thomas, a domestic violence survivor, told an audience of students and faculty at the MSC auditorium yesterday.
Thomas was speaking at a SPIT Knowledge lecture hosted by the Office of Special Programs and Cultural Series. A victim in a dangerous relationship with her boyfriend in 1992, Thomas underwent facial reconstruction due to gunshot wounds. She spoke to students about the effects of domestic violence and the warning signs of abusive behavior.
Thomas said, “I experienced domestic violence for the first time by seeing my father abuse my mother; however, my mother never spoke to me about domestic violence. So, I really did not know what to do or what to think when it came to the situation.” She continued, “I had warning signs of jealousy dealing with everything from having male friends to him trying to control what I wore.” She had a fatal experience that turned her life around. Thomas’ then boyfriend shot and killed her mother, and shot off Thomas’ face. After several surgeries Thomas continues to live life as normally as possible and help spread awareness of domestic violence.
Thomas developed a program called Voices for All: the Carolyn Thomas Foundation. This program helps inform others about her experiences and what to watch for. “In order to overcome battles of domestic violence and the emotional aftermath that follows it, you must learn how to forgive. You might not forget the situation, but you have to learn how to forgive and move forward with your life,” Thomas said.
Thomas said that she plans to visit her abuser, who is currently in prison. He agreed to do an on-camera interview for a show that she is making. She hopes to encourage other women to confront their abusers. When asked why visiting him is so important, Thomas said she wants to tell him, “You might have thought you broke me down, but you didn’t.”
The lecture was followed by a question and answer session and a small reception.