November 5 was a glorious day: I just wanted you to share in celebrating my three-year anniversary of life. Three years ago I tried to kill myself. I was in my apartment and life was a living hell. I thought there was no way out and I could see no further than my situation. I was going through some difficult times.
I had buried my grandmother two days before the semester started and my mother had a disease they couldn’t fix, my brother was not doing well in school, the last time I saw my younger sister, I was dropping her off in the emergency room, and the situation was overwhelming.
My social outlook became my opposition as I took a stand for right and made the mistake of thinking others would be standing behind me. I was struggling with the internal battle of a history of molestation and I began to see the effects it had on my life. It was all a burden for me because I felt I had to be strong because I was the oldest in my family. God never asked us to be strong in our own might. He said use His power, not will power.
In my time of need I looked for people and I could find none. So the devil took this as his opportunity to attack me. The devil told me, “You know nobody would miss you if you left,” I thought, “You know what; yeah that’s right.” The devil came back and said, “Why don’t you just kill yourself?” and I fell for it. I attempted to kill myself because after looking through my phone book and feeling I had no one available to lean on, no one who would hear me, no one who would speak a kind word, who would come to my rescue or even miss me, I succumbed to feeling worthless.
But I praise God that He stepped in that night and held me through the morning through the devil’s attack on me. God saved me, it wasn’t my time. The devil thought I was a goner and that I would be taken out, but God had another plan and He blocked the devil’s plan. I give Him all the glory. I thank Him for sending help in my time of need because when I thought I had no one in my corner, I had God.
When I thought no one on earth loved me, He sent my mother who made it from her workplace in Kentucky to my door in Texas in three and half hours, including flight time, Texas lunch hour traffic, and scheduling a flight at the last minute and getting through security (when it was taking two hours), plus renting a car. Do you see God’s moving and provision? Only God has that kind of saving power to be able to move every obstacle out of the way. Because I never her told I was trying to kill myself, the Spirit just told her to move.
I praise God for saving me because I was on the floor after I got off the phone with her and then three hours later I heard her keys at the door and the rest is my testimony. A year later I told her my testimony. Praise God for the things He has done. I give Him all the glory. And I thank Him for the help He sent my way.
We can put more on ourselves than we need to. Understand that the believer has access to God’s power. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength,” Isaiah 40:29 says, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Acts 1:8a says, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you.” You don’t have to be strong by yourself, and bear burdens without God’s help. If you cast all your cares to God, He will take care of them for you. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Just trust Him with what you’re going through. Don’t give the devil any playing ground in your mind that it won’t work out for your good.
Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works it out for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” God is able and He cannot fail. When you give it over to the Lord, please know it will turn out for the better. We have to put our trust in God and not man. God uses people but we must trust God first, and allow Him to work through people how He chooses or if He chooses. We must find in Him our comfort, our satisfaction and our peace, which is tied up to our relationship with God.
If you are suffering right now or even considering suicide, DON’T. THERE IS HOPE IN THE WORD OF GOD. THERE IS HOPE WITH GOD, AND GOD IS ABLE TO SUSTAIN YOU THROUGH IT ALL. SEEK GOD! We have been made more than conquerors. Romans 8:37 says, “No; in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” The devil wants to take you out because he can’t risk you getting to where you’re going. Don’t let the devil stop you from the potential the privilege and the possibilities God has for you in His service. You are more than a survivor, you are an over-comer.
If you are not considering suicide and you are fine with where you are in life, great, but there is still a need to be available to people even if you don’t know why they need you. You may not need to know, but you could make the difference between life and death in someone’s life. Let God use you!
So I send out a Hallelujah to God. Celebrate with me to God.